There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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