you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
