Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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