"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
