the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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