White coat. Heels.
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
