We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
