dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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