Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
