Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
