you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
thus making me awesome and them whores
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
