i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
