saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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