what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
