I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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