honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
