I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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