i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
