When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
