I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
