I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
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I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
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Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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