Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
