also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
