I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
