I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
