At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
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Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
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...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
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