Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
