If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
