I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
