I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
The adults are the big ones right?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
