two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
