Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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