I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
So here I am, sexting at work.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
