I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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