I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
