I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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