I skipped work to stalk him.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
