I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
