I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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