I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
