He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
