what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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