you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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