Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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