In the future we'll all be gay
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Randomize
