even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize