The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
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I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
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Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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