I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
