So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
