mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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