I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Randomize
