covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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