Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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