My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
