Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
