I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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