I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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