I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
