I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
