my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
