i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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