The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
