Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
