"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
