i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
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Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
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A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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