There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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