I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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