how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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