Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
