it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
